First Anniversary


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          Why are you crying baby ? I am sitting beside you on this bench under this sugar maple. I love you like a kid loves the bubble and like a voyager loves a halt. My love is pure, delicate and innocent. It is the same place where you proposed your love to me and swept my world with a storm of happiness. “I was in that polka dress gifted by you, I was glowing into the lights of candles that I lit around me. I was looking into my content soul in the moving water of the fountain outside the window of my hotel room. I was waiting for you with my heart swinging into my chest like the curtains of room moving with the blow of casual wind.” 

          Why are you crying baby ? Look at those sugar maple leafs on the road, aren’t they beautiful, filling the road with beautiful crispy orange colour. Making this morning exactly same as four years back when You had hold my hand for the first time. Turn your face and look at me, won’t you compliment my polka dress, isn’t it beautiful just like me as you had told me when you gifted it to me. “I was waiting for you, night was getting longer as the candles were getting shorter, I was still glowing but darkness of void was taking over my soul slowly, weren’t you supposed to come by then, weren’t you one hour late already, you had promised to give our relationship one last chance. I called you but you did not pick.”

          Why are you crying baby ? My eyes are on you, why aren’t you looking at me, May be you know I love you more, or you know you are too late now. Why did you choose this bench to come today to express what you keep inside your heart, you knew I will surely come to meet you here, you are always right and here I am. “But you were not right that night, all those candles were of no use then, they were melted completely. All I was surrounded by a dark teary night with your sketchy painful absence. It was 6 at morning, I spent that sleepless night with my eyes open, heart broken, tears flowing and a soul questioning its own existence into the same fountain outside the window hotel. I called you endlessly until your phone was switched off.”

         Why are you crying baby, you see Today I am not crying, because I always loved this place, This place, from where it all started, our love blossomed from this place when your fingers touched my finger accidentally and all I could feel a strange wave of current in my body. I was happy, I am happy, I was in love, I am in love. Just when I decided to leave that room with the first ray of sun falling on the floor and thought you won’t come, You came followed by your series of mobile calls which I did’t received out of a little anger I barely manage to feel for you. and to my surprise, what I see, You were drunk, you were partying with your friends, drinking all night when I was waiting for you, you knew it, it was our last chance to be together, to make things right between us after the same thing you had repeated twice in the past. 

          Why are you crying baby, this day is beautiful, I love you, We are together, I care for you, You have left drinking, what more I can ask from you, its the best gift that you have ever given to me. “I slapped you, abused you, cursed you, and cried over you, slapped myself for choosing you, cursed myself more.  And then I left my room ignoring your presence, left you and your drunk movement, Your sorry talks and stupid excuses behind me. I came out on road, announcing its all over between us. I burst into tears and tried to see a direction to go. Then you emerged out of basement in your car, you threaten me to kill yourself, You speeded up your car, I cried more and tried to stop you to drive that car, you were too drunk to drive.”

          Why are you crying baby, I am opening my heart to you, its all filled with your love, this morning is beautiful, sky is clear. In that morning fours years back we decided to give each other all the love we deserve. You touched my cheek with your palm and I cried with happiness.”But that morning was not over and had lot to offer. I opened the door of car and sit with you in front seat of car just to tell you to leave that car. I cursed you that you drank again, Its all over. You told you won’t live without me. You accelerated your car and ordered me to get off the car. I denied you and tried to stop you driving car, I was afraid, you might die, You were blind, I was crying asking you to stop the car. You didn’t. Speedo-Meter crossed 100, when it hit the truck. I crashed out of the wind shield of car, all the glass pierced into my stomach and a gallop of blood came out of my mouth.” 

         Why are you crying baby, Lets live this moment, We can not spend our life crying all the time. you had told me once how crying can provide relief to one’s heavy heart, but what is the use of crying when heart is no more alive. How good you were at consoling me I loved you mostly for that”Your car was insured, you got it back, My life was always yours, I gave it to you. I was too harsh on you that morning, All my anger was building through out the night, I should have handled you with love, Infact when I told its all over, it wasn’t, it was never. I wanted to be convinced by your gentle love, not by your speeding car, or maybe you needed me more. I don’t know. You were harmed as well, you were also all in blood, but you crawled towards me in pain with your broken leg, and looked at my face, which was loosing its life every minute, tears were replaced by blood. you touched my cheek with same love you touched four years back and I cried in pain. And you cried in aghast when you realised its all over now. I opened my eyes and said “I love you” for the last time. My final words.”

         Why are you crying baby, I am always with you, I see you smiling, I see you when you miss me. I see you when you cry. You realised my value when you saw my dead face. its ok, I am always wearing your polka dress. I have become even more beautiful since then. It doesn’t matter I am dead, My love for you is immortal. Now you must go, stop crying like a baby and and relive this morning just the way I am enjoying it. It is beautiful, Its been one year to that morning, and You choosing this place to come to remember me on this day completes your love which you could not do when I was alive. Thank You so much. I love you. Happy first anniversary of the day when our love was being realised in a true way.

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